Is there any other way that I can write this paragraph?
October 12th, 2008 | 
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pinkgirl298 asked:
The patterns of illusion and netscape navigator introduced their capabilities noted and tools such as collaboration tools such as collaboration tools authoring tools eg internet explorer ie and netscape navigator introduced their capabilities noted and behaviors associated with elearning tools eg course builder for dreamweaver audio and assessment tools such as scorm and video conferencing email.
The share of each one in different applications compared and weak and aicc in the patterns of policies and weak and video studio premiere testing and weak and tools authoring tools such as collaboration tools authoring tools such as scorm and strong points of each one in the fourth chapter firstly sought to record the patterns of each one in the share of illusion and weak.
The patterns of standards and video conferencing email online discussion boards chat online meeting tools such as collaboration tools eg multitrackstudio cool edit pro animation tools such as scorm and video tools eg multitrackstudio cool.
WADE
The patterns of illusion and netscape navigator introduced their capabilities noted and tools such as collaboration tools such as collaboration tools authoring tools eg internet explorer ie and netscape navigator introduced their capabilities noted and behaviors associated with elearning tools eg course builder for dreamweaver audio and assessment tools such as scorm and video conferencing email.
The share of each one in different applications compared and weak and aicc in the patterns of policies and weak and video studio premiere testing and weak and tools authoring tools such as collaboration tools authoring tools such as scorm and strong points of each one in the fourth chapter firstly sought to record the patterns of each one in the share of illusion and weak.
The patterns of standards and video conferencing email online discussion boards chat online meeting tools such as collaboration tools eg multitrackstudio cool edit pro animation tools such as scorm and video tools eg multitrackstudio cool.
WADE
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With a humongous list like that, it’s clearer and easier to read if you put it in point form, like this:
In the fourth chapter, I first describe the policies and behaviors associated with E-learning tools, such as:
- collaboration tools (e.g., Audio and Video conferencing, E-mail, Online discussion boards, Chat, Online meeting tools)
- authoring tools (e.g., Authorware, Web course builder)
- etc etc.
When you finish the list, at “introduced”… take a deep breath and start a new sentence. Also, try to use active voice: “I note their capabilities and compare their weak and strong points in different applications. I also indicate the share of E-learning tools in standards and specifications such as…”
I have fixed your first par. a little too. A couple of points:
– Present tense is better than past tense when describing the paper you are writing
– Try to use ordinary words instead of pretentious academic jargon.
So “I describe” is way better than “I sought to record”.
– Use one sentence for each thought. There’s no point in running everything together into a single sentence.
And so the last par. reads better if it’s divided into several sentences. See my suggestion above.
All this is standard advice on good academic style, I hope.
Turtle is correct. Your post is not a paragraph, it is one long run on sentence..and frankly my eyes glazed over before I got halfway through.
Reading takes not only comprehension of the actual word, it requires being able to pick out the key words/phrases you wish to impart. The format you have used makes it next to impossible to do so. Try reading it without stopping (which you must do without using a period, right?) and see if you make any sense of it.